Heads in the sand

Rarely political in this blog, but sometimes when I laugh out loud at news reports, I just have to post it.

In yet another demonstration of the iron-willed stupidity that continues to have Israel beating down on Hezbollah, the terrorist organization is refusing to leave Southern Lebanon. Well, not exactly. They are prepared to remove men and weapons, on the condition that Lebanon remain oblivious:

Hezbollah indicated it would be willing to pull back its fighters and weapons in exchange for a promise from the army not to probe too carefully for underground bunkers and weapons caches, the officials said.

In other words, if you close your eyes, I am not there. In other words, if you turn around, I am invisible. In other words, we promise to continue to do the same thing as we have been doing for years. In other words, we are assholes.

Vacation's all I ever wan-ted

Posting will be extremely light over the next week, and by light I mean non-existent as I will be at the Outer Banks. Please direct your positive 'chi', thoughts of envy, and hate mail here. I'll be waiting. On the beach.

Note: Acts of God such as tropical storms and hurricanes are DISALLOWED.

Natalie: Gangsta Style

Natalie Portman is the epitome of what geeks want in a woman; cute, smart, and the mother of Luke Skywalker. But what is Natalie really like? This Saturday Night Live skit reveals she might be a little too much for you to handle.

Update: If you can't get it on youtube, you can see it on MSN video.

Getting hit with a fish

How many times have you wondered "what is the most fun I could have with this dead fish?". Before you mull it over too long, in England, the question has long since been answered: Conger cuddling:

Conger cuddling is a traditional event in Lyme Regis, Dorset, England, in which a dead conger eel is thrown at members of the Royal National Lifeboat Institution (RNLI). Part of the town's "Lifeboat Week", the eel is attached to a rope and thrown at nine people standing on flowerpots in a manner similar to skittles. There are two teams involved in a last man standing competition.

The event, which attracts around 3,000 people annually, was used to raise funds for the RNLI. It has been called the "most fun a person could have with a dead fish".

The event started in the early 1970s when Richard Fox, a retired publican, organised the first event. It became a tradition of the town, drawing numerous spectators. However, in 2006 the RNLI made the decision that the event was "inappropriate" after a complaint was made. When it was next held (28 July 2006) the eel had been replaced by a buoy, but there are talks of a replacement, plastic eel being made for 2007.

So, in the tradition of Monty Python's common bit of getting smacked in the head with a fish, which came first, the sport or the comedy skit? This will surely inspire debate and research in only the most dedicated/dorky. And lo, I've thrown down the gauntlet by gleefully writing about it. Dork, indeed.

A Knight's Tale about The Dark Knight?

Cinescape has reported that Warner Brothers has named Heath Ledger as the Joker for the sequel to Batman Begins:

Warner Brothers has sent out a press release announcing that the upcoming sequel to BATMAN BEGINS will be titled THE DARK KNIGHT and feature Heath Ledger as the Joker.

"I'm excited to continue the story we started with Batman Begins," Christopher Nolan said in a statement. "Our challenge in casting the Joker was to find an actor who is not just extraordinarily talented, but fearless. Watching Heath Ledger's interpretation of this iconic character taking on Christian Bale's Batman is going to be incredible."

The script will be written by Nolan's brother, Jonathan, from a story by Christopher Nolan and David Goyer. Christopher Nolan and Goyer co-wrote last year's BATMAN BEGINS. Filming on THE DARK KNIGHT is expected to get underway in early 2007.

First, let's just go ahead and say the title of the sequel is as good as Revenge of the Sith was for that series. Nolan has set the standard very high with his reboot of the Batman series, and he's started off on the right foot with the simplest, yet important step.

Regarding Heath Ledger, I haven't seen a lot of his work. I've seen parts of A Knight's Tale, and I have to admit the only other films he's worked on that I've seen in their entirety were The Patriot and, well, 10 Things I Hate About You. That said, I have no complaints about the casting choice. In fact, I'd have to say I'm actually relieved that Nolan decided to go with an actor as opposed to a comedian (Robin Williams, a name tossed about), a freak (Crispin Glover) or a scene-stealing ham (Nicholson in Tim Burton's original).

Nolan's Batman series (funny calling it a series after only one) has set the tone as being as reality-based and dark as possible. I think Ledger can bring a lot to the role, mostly based on a gut feeling I have about him. Clearly it can't be based on my incredible library of roles I've seen him in. I just think there's something about him that could make for a very interesting portrayal of Gotham's most insane murderer. Or maybe it's because his natural smile already resembles Nicholson's sans makeup.

No need to buy

Cinescape has a short blurb about the release date of the X3 DVD release:

X-MEN: THE LAST STAND will come to DVD in the fourth-quarter of this year. 20th Century Fox will reportedly announce on Friday that the movie will hit shelves on October 3, according to the Hollywood Reporter. The film has made over $233 million at the box office and will be released in two extra-laden special editions.

Yippie-kai-yay motherfucker. I will not fall into the trap that I affectionately refer to as the Matrix: Revolutions folly and buy the DVD just to complete the series collection. X3 is the single most disappointing movie of the year, and clearly, of the series. Or, as a much snarkier commenter on that Cinescape page put it: "Too bad they don't have a DVD with an alternate X3 movie. Or maybe an alternate director and writers."

PS. The picture of Ellen Page as Kitty Pryde is there to note that every blind squirrel finds a nut.

King of all Film

What is it with Hugh Jackman? The trailer for yet another interesting and original-looking film, The Fountain, has me looking to buy my ticket. (The website is just trippy. Exactly what I'd expect from Aronofsky.) Paired with the upcoming The Prestige, it appears as though Jackman has cornered the market on cool movies. Or he has an arrangement with the Post Office to have all good scripts rerouted to his door. Whatever deal he has made, it is clearly with the devil. And it looks worth it.

The Prestige

What's that you ask? What is the coolest and most intriguing movie coming to a theater near you? Why of course it's The Prestige:

From acclaimed filmmaker Christopher Nolan ("Memento," "Batman Begins"), comes a mysterious story of two magicians whose intense rivalry leads them on a life-long battle for supremacy full of obsession, deceit and jealousy with dangerous and deadly consequences.

From the time that they first met as young magicians on the rise, Robert Angier (Hugh Jackman) and Alfred Borden (Christian Bale) were competitors. However, their friendly competition evolves into a bitter rivalry making them fierce enemies-for-life and consequently jeopardizing the lives of everyone around them. Full of twists and turns, "The Prestige" is set against the backdrop of turn-of-the-century London, the exceptional cast includes two-time Oscar® winner Michael Caine, Scarlett Johansson and David Bowie.

You still doubt me? Go see the trailer, then come back and apologize. I'll wait.

35 and counting

The time has finally come for yet another landmark birthday that a lot of people didn't foresee me making. As of 11:22 PM EST this evening, I will officially be 35 years of age.

As per the custom, this landmark birthday has inspired some self-reflection, some bits of angst, and some liver bashing. What has added a bit more of pondering about this year is that it is also the 10th anniversary of my moving to Washington, D.C. from Philadelphia, which means I've now lived here exactly as long as I had in Pennsylvania (counting my stint at State College, that is).

This does not mean I'm going to root for the Redskins. I'm afraid that I cannot in good conscience switch teams within divisions. Although I am sympathetic to the Redskins because of the many friends and relatives I have down here, my two premier teams will remain the Bills and Eagles. (I've contemplated who I would root for in a Superbowl matchup between the two teams (as if I would have to worry about that), and I have to give the edge to the Bills. But not by much.)

I've always had a fascination with the area as a kid, so it's probably no surprise that I feel at home down here. I remember the first time visiting D.C. when I was about seven and marveling at the beltway. Eight lanes just seemed so immense, at least compared to growing up in Allegany, NY. I could do a bit without the swamp-like heat in the summer, but the change of seasons, proximity to the beach, and plentiful bike trails are right up my alley.

So, since I've been down here, what have I accomplished? What have I learned since I was a mere pup of 25? What has changed? The appearance is probably the most striking. Back in the day I had fairly long, thick hair and was a skinny kid of about 165. Now, with the virtually shaved head that I've had since 2001 and another 20 pounds on the physique, it's a kinder, gentler, future me.

I've picked up the habit of working out on a daily basis, with weights and cardio, and kept that habit for about the last 7 years or so. That change in my lifestyle has allowed me to keep a strong social life while keeping off the rigors of a slowing metabolism. (Much of that 20 pounds is muscle.) Like my old math teacher used to say, moderation in everything.

I like to think the secret of my own personal health and sanity is moderation and balance. Never too much of any one activity, whether it be working out or drinking or work or play or writing. A combination keeps (my) mind at its least stressful. I know that I could never be truly happy just writing or just writing code, just reading books on the beach or just socializing. I've learned a lot about who I am, and I know what it takes to make me happy. The real challenge is actually DOING it, or combating laziness to do it.

A few weeks back I had issued an email to a bunch of friends asking for one word that they thought encapsulated me. Although this may sound like an invitation to uncomfortable responses, all of them were quite thoughtful and perceptive. However, probably the best (I thought) was "work-in-progress". The search, the journey itself is what drives me; complacency at a job, in relationships, in self invariably lead to stagnation. As such, I doubt the day I die (if I have a chance to reflect) that I will consider my life complete. And it doesn't bother me. What matters to me is to always have something to strive for, to be passionate about.

So, what has been 'accomplished' over the last 10 years? I completed my first 'real' movie script since I've been down here and written over 50,000 words of a book (which I'm currently backstorying at a snails pace, but it IS being done). I've purchased my first car, bed, TV, computer, and couch, but I really need to get some damn golf clubs to replace my 30-year-old ones. I've swam in the ocean at midnight (a great fear of mine). I've drawn and framed works in charcoal, pencil, and pastel. I've seen Penn State kick the crap out of Nebraska with 110,000 other rabid fans at Beaver Stadium. I've traveled to at least 15 states and Canada (okay, 16 then). I've taught classes in a computer language that I only just learned the week before. (For someone who is afraid of public speaking, once you've been thrust into that situation, everything else is a bit easier.) I have opened a savings account and have become entirely debt-free. I've managed wireless for a publishing company. I've programmed a custom solution to software that didn't have any reporting. I've gotten a degree as a PMP (Project Management Professional). I've changed a frickin' tire on my car. I've failed to break any teeth or bones. I have three permanent wrinkles in my forehead from raising my eyebrows at incompetence. I have broken a 5-iron while hitting a perfectly good tee shot. I have done all this and more, and most importantly, I have survived. For some, that is a big enough accomplishment.

Financially, I am certainly in better shape than when I was 25. Being single, living in a low-rent house, biking to work, and engaging in a high-paying activity will do that for you. And speaking of being single, although I recently (well, several months ago) ended a long-term relationship, I don't have any regrets about those I have dated. For one reason or another, I know the right decision was made.

Which brings me to something that I certainly didn't know when I was 25: what I want in a companion/girlfriend/wife. Although this actually leads to less dating, as the pool will naturally shrink once you know what you want and more specifically what you do not want. I could probably easily list off the traits that I need to have (not a long list), those that I can deal with either way, and those that I cannot put up with (again, not a long list). All this comes with the territory of hitting 35, and although in past times one would consider 35 to be of incorrigible bachelor age, for Generation X and Y and beyond, it's nearly par for the course.

So, do I feel older? Slightly. I consider myself to be in better shape than I was 10 years ago, but I am aware of certain things in my body creaking a bit more. I don't feel older per se. I am more mature? Against my will, certainly. You pick up things along the way, you get 'over' acting like you are in your 20's, and I have successfully stopped sucking my thumb. But, what's strange to me is that my attitude, my personality, my goofiness and sarcasm, hasn't tempered at all with age. I am as relieved as I am a bit surprised, at least compared to my vision of what I'd be like from 25. As much as I could bear it, that is; I couldn't much imagine 35 back then any more than I can really see 45. Ick.

In any event, this rambling, self-indulgent prose has come to completion, and we are all happy for it. If you've made it this far, then chances are you are a friend or you are incredibly bored at work. My friends, of course, the ones I've made and the ones I've kept over these years, are my biggest accomplishment. Thanks and fade out.

Mission: Improbable (yet succeeds)

It goes without saying that Tom Cruise's recent antics of Scientology hawking, couch jumping, psychiatry attacking and South Park censoring (to name a few) have done close-to-irrepairable damage to his once impeccable image. In the space of a year's time, he's become an intriguingly dichotomous person -- at once the most ridiculed and powerful actor in show business. Even though this negative press has kept people away, whether in protest or just because they got the 'creeps', from Mission: Impossible III.

Despite all this negative publicity surrounding its seemingly unhinged star, the reviews for Mission: Impossible III have on average been not rotten, but often quite disparate. Just perusing over a few you'll have one finding it to be awesome and another it to be dreck. I'll admit I have a prediliction (I did not know you were so kinky!) for reading spoiler-free reviews prior to a film and detailed reviews afterwards. Of course, at the end of the day, overwhelmingly positive reviews won't make me go and negative reviews won't make me stay away. I will see what I want to see.

So, even though there is all this swirl around Tom Cruise, that didn't influence my choice to view the film. What has had more impact is the last one, M:I:ii, which sacrificed a lot of character development and plot for stunt acrobatics (expected of Director John Woo). It worked on a visual level, but otherwise it left me feeling rather disappointed. However, this time around, with J.J. Abrams (of 'Alias' and 'Lost' fame) on board to direct and script the film, I was more than curious to see what would happen. Certainly, I knew he wouldn't hire Tom Crooze.

In any event, somehow I found M:I:iii was playing in a theater right next door to where I work, and it was a slow evening, so I decided to take a gamble and see what it was all about. Here's 10 things I found out:

1. It is by far the best of the three MI films. I know that this isn't saying a lot comparatively for some. I liked the first, and the second was pretty good. Neither are much more than neat espionage films. M:I:iii just flat out surpasses them. From the opening heart-stopping interrogation scene to the first end credit, the film rolls along at a riveting pace and never looks back. And you don't want it to.
2. As with all action films, there is a degree of believability that you have to suspend in the action sequences. Once you get past that, the scenes are taut and exciting.
3. Tom Cruise displays human emotions, draws empathy, somehow forms a character you like (i.e., not just some action guru), and actually mocks himself. Believe it or not someone actually mimics his 'couch jumping' episode in the film.
4. It contains the most blatant macguffin since Pulp Fiction, and just like in that film, you couldn't care less. It's not important what it does, just that everybody wants it. J.J.'s script actually has fun with this.
5. I want to marry Michelle Monaghan, too. She is sweet, emotional, and drop-dead gorgeous, without being of supermodel quality.
6. The IMF team (Ving Rhames, Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, Maggie Q), while clearly the support for Ethan Hunt, aren't relegated to the background and are each given multiple moments to shine.
7. The dialog is peppered with great one-liners, subtle moments of character vulnerability, and intense exchanges, especially between Hunt and Owen Davian. Speaking of Owen Davian, Philip Seymour Hoffman didn't steal the movie, nor did he rescue it, but goddam can this guy play loathesome menace. Oh wait, that is an academy award on his mantle.
8. Keri Russell's agent character was believable and incredibly moving. I will credit the writing and pacing as well as the performance. To go into detail would be to spoil.
9. With J.J. on the job (and this is a Mission: Impossible film), you know that there's going to be plot twists amany. You kind of come to expect that all isn't what it seems, so I can say that I wasn't exactly surprised at the twists, but they were handled effectively. I will admit during once particularly shocking scene I was had, until I figured it out a few seconds later. Enough for me to smile at myself for enjoying what the film intended.
10. It was worth the $7.50 and will be worth owning on DVD.

So, it's pretty apparently that I have been thoroughly brainwashed by Scientology's subliminal mind-control in this film. All hail Xenu and Tom Cruise!

Should've said "Jebus"

Here's a punishment you can avoid by being a fan of the Simpsons (specifically this one:

HONOLULU - Junior Stowers raised his hands and exclaimed, "Thank you, Jesus!" in court last month when he was acquitted by a jury of abusing his son. But his joy was short-lived when Circuit Judge Patrick Border held him in contempt of court for the "outburst" and threw him in jail.

Stowers, 47, sat in the courtroom and a cellblock for about six hours until the judge granted him a hearing on the contempt charge and released him...But his attorney in the contempt case, Deputy Public Defender Susan Arnett, said he wasn't treated fairly...

"I don't think there's anything about saying 'Thank you, Jesus' that rises to the level of contemptuous behavior in this case," she told The Honolulu Advertiser. Stowers is a devoutly religious man active in his church who spontaneously expressed his thanks to the higher power in which he believed, she said.

Hopefully, people won't make that big of a deal about it. My guess is the judge had just about enough of Captain Devout. I already have and I wasn't even there.

Cool Poster of the Day

The award goes to the new teaser poster for Spider-Man 3.