Ecks vs. Sever my head off
As I was browsing the selections for tonight's TV, I happened upon a movie that has always struck me as a really dumb name: Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever. Doesn't really roll off the tongue, does it? What were the producers thinking? Do we really care who "Ecks" and "Sever" are? And are we excited that they are going to go BALLISTIC?! Hmm... maybe... but not right now.

And so the natural progression of dwelling (and I dwell often, and not just for fun) led me to ponder other crappily named movies, such as those listed on Retrocrush's 20 Worst Movie Titles. THEY got Ecks on there, but displayed a shocking amount of poor taste in putting Attack of the Clones on there. Of course, several of the choices aren't really that bad, just silly, like "The Adventures of Rat Pfink and Boo Boo" and "THE INCREDIBLY STRANGE CREATURES WHO STOPPED LIVING AND BECAME MIXED-UP ZOMBIES". Now, does their silliness make them bad, and if so, where the hell is "Plan 9 from Outer Space" on that list? In any event, what I really want to know is what makes a movie title bad.

In the context of this blog, it will be as follows: a title that unintentionally causes you to laugh. Alternatively, lower your voice and read it commandingly, like at the end of a trailer. So, in no particular order, and in defiance of the Braves (go Cubs!), I present to you THE LIST OF UNORDERED AND POSSIBLY INCOMPLETE REALLY DUMB MOVIE TITLES (If that were a movie title, I'd expect to be nominated):

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever - see above for complaint
Timecop - This one reminds me of the first time I saw the trailer in the movie theater. My friend turned to me and said, "Why didn't they call it 'Clockpig'?
Breakin' 2 - Electric Boogaloo - Can't ignore the classics.
Gleaming the Cube - Not a bad movie -- well okay it's pretty ridiculous -- but that title is just offensive. I will, naturally, try to work the phrase into a casual conversation later this week.
The NeverEnding Story - It never started for me.
Destiny Turns on the Radio - And promptly gets beaten with a large bat 20 times for doing so
B.A.P.S. Too close to "Bats", not far enough away from "Taps", just right amount of "vomit"
The Life of David Gale - I'm a pretentious movie! Hey! Over here!

Bonus! Here's the 100 Worst Porn Movie Titles. Includes such gems as:

"AMATEURS ONLY #129 - I'M A BROWN SHIT-HOLED WHORE" (Tell me what you really think...)
"ULTRA KINKY #79 - BOWLIN' IN HER COLON" (I guess...)
"SHRIMPIN' LOBSTER SAUCE"(...er...)