The Guy with the $10,000 hat
Cashing in on as many two-cent opportunities as he can before his kicks the bucket (a bucket which, by all accounts, has been placed on a football tee for some time now), the Pope declares that war is bad and vaguely pushes Catholic party lines. Later on he sainted a potted plant.

Perhaps he could suggest something like the Children's Crusade to solve this problem!

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