- 10:50 pm
Gael Garcia Bernal and Eva Green are presenting for Best Documentary Short. I saw Gael Garcia Bernal and Natalie Portman at my local Whole Foods this morning, cutely rumpled together and shopping for pastries. I know, who cares? Then the movie about AIDS in China wins. One of the gays in the room says that if you’re gay you can’t adopt a baby in China.
I believe that. We wonder how they know you’re gay? Do they ask you trick questions? Like “What did you think of ‘Dreamgirls’?” And then if you gasp and go, “Ohmigod, I LOVE ‘Dreamgirls’!” then you don’t get your Chinese baby.
Here comes Jerry Seinfeld to present for Best Documentary. They cut to George Lucas, who is SO RICH YOU CAN’T EVEN BELIEVE IT.
The docs are about how priests are raping your kids, how the world is coming to an end, how the Middle East is about to explode, how Christians want to brainwash your children before handing them over to the priests and how the Middle East is about to explode, part two. And the winner is... “The World Is Coming To An End.”
Accepting for “The World is Coming To And End” is Al Gore and the guy who directed the trashy fun Kate Hudson movie “Gossip.” Leo wants to kiss him so badly right now he’s sweating. Al Gore, that is, not the “Gossip” director.