12.27.2006

Tony Homo

In honor of the Philadelphia Eagles' amazing and shocking spanking of the Dallas Cowboys on Sunday, I thought I'd take some time to reflect on what's become of Drew Bledsoe. The former Bills and New England QB, Bledsoe has been ousted from his starting job by Tony Romo, who was (until recently) getting ready to be anointed as the next Elway. Or something. Then reality set in.

Note that I couldn't be more shocked by the Eagles' turnaround in the past few weeks. I love my team, but if you told me three weeks ago that we would be in the division lead by now and the hottest team in the NFC, I would have smoten you with a giant fish.

Anywho, it appears that ol' Drew hasn't taken his unseating well. (Has anyone seen a camera shot of him since he lost his job? Is he even part of the organization?) The website TonyHomo.com, Drew Bledsoe's 'official' blog, has some hilarious observations about himself and his replacement...

From his 'Power Rankings', or how Drew could improve any team in the NFL:
    Denver Broncos: ... I'll make Elway's two superbowl wins seem like a rebuilding phase.

    Jacksonville Jaguars: Maurice Jones-Drew called me the other day. He said if I signed with the Jaguars this offseason, he'll change his name to Maurice Jones-Drew-Bledsoe. I told him, I said "Maurice. That's very nice of you. Thank you." He said, I swear on my life, he said, "You're welcome, Jesus." I'm like a Savior to these people. That's what you guys don't understand!
On his winning playoff record:
    And don't worry about me choking in the playoffs, I'm a proven winner: 3-3 in the postseason, and those three losses were not my fault. Football is a team game -- those wins are all me though.
On the Texans draft pick last year:
    Houston Texans: I don't care what people say, I still think they shoulda taken me with the #1 pick last year.
And how did Bledsoe interpret the Eagles trouncing...
    T.O and Terry are angry "about the offense" not "playing aggressive enough." Translation: We're working on fashioning a Carrie Underwood shaped bomb to lure our QB into a trap and then explode his arms off.

    Coach said "There's nothing good to say. We just didn't make any plays at all, either side of the ball. Just awful." Translation: Romo ruined Christmas. And to a lesser extent, Boxing Day (Canada).
There's just too much material to absorb, so if you have plenty of time at work, you'll enjoy a fresh take on the Cowboys from an insider's perspective.

2 comments:

MaggieMay said...

My favorite quote: "I think Jesus would have made a great tight end."

linguo said...

You just don't hear the phrase "explode his arms off" enough. God bless you, Jesus Bledsoe.