Drunken Vader

I'm not going to lie; I think the following story should be entered into the cannon of Star Wars somehow. I love that they included the Jedi names. I love that the perpetrator was caught on a camera set up to recrod their lightsaber duels. And I love that the guy who dressed up as Darth Vader, got drunk, and assaulted some 'Jedis' can't remember a thing because he was so wasted.

HOLYHEAD, Wales (AP) -- A man who dressed up as Darth Vader, wearing a black garbage bag for a cape, and assaulted the founders of Britain's first Jedi church was given a suspended sentence Tuesday.

Arwel Wynne Hughes, 27, attacked Jedi church founder Barney Jones -- a.k.a. Master Jonba Hehol -- with a metal crutch, hitting him on the head, prosecutors told Holyhead Magistrates' Court.

He also whacked Jones' 18-year-old cousin, Michael Jones -- or Master Mormi Hehol -- bruising his thigh, in the March 25 incident.

Unfortunately for Hughes, the incident was recorded on a video camera that the cousins had set up to film themselves in a light saber battle.

"Darth Vader! Jedis!" Hughes shouted as he approached.

Hughes claimed he couldn't remember the incident, having drunk the best part of a 10-liter (two-and-half-gallon) box of wine beforehand. "He knows his behavior was wrong and didn't want it to happen but he has no recollection of it," said Hughes' lawyer, Frances Jones.

District Judge Andrew Shaw sentenced Hughes to two months in jail but suspended the sentence for one year. He also ordered Hughes to pay £100 ($195) to each of his victims and £60 ($117) in court costs.Barney Jones, his brother Daniel and cousin Michael set up the Church of Jediism, Anglesey order, last year. It claims about 30 members.

Jedi is the faith followed by some of the central characters in the "Star Wars" films. In the 2001 United Kingdom census, 390,000 people -- 0.7 percent of the population -- listed Jedi as their religion.

The only thing that would have made that better would be if Vader had slurred some line from the movies. But, like the movies, I can read that story over and over and it just keeps getting better.

And for the hell of it, here's a reason why you should wake up every morning and thank James Earl Jones for existing: